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Related article: Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2007 11:04:26 -0300
From: Duncan Ryder
Subject: Everybody's Wounded Chapter 6The fine print. This is a work of fiction. The characters exist only in the
author's imagination. This is a gay love story and contains explicit
descriptions of sex between consenting men; if this offends you, is illegal
where you are, or you are too young, don't read it. This story is copyright
by the author; please don't copy or circulate it without my permission.If you'd like to be added to the update list, just drop me an email at
duncanryderhotmail.com. And please feel free to send feedback!!!
Everybody's Wounded
Chapter Six
(Plain text strips out all formatting, so you have to imagine that this
entire chapter is in italics.)It's late afternoon, and I'm lying on my back staring at the ceiling. The
room is dim; the weak November light is barely enough to penetrate the
long, narrow window. The man I hold in my arms is quiet now. Beneath my
jaw and against my throat I feel the softness of his curling black hair,
and I breathe him in. I hold him close to me, his chest pressed against my side, his face buried
in my shoulder. My shirt beneath his cheek is wet with his tears, and hot
from his breath and his skin. His weeping has stopped now, and his
breathing is slow and regular. I think he has fallen asleep. I'm achingly
hard inside my jeans, but I'm oddly detached from that and feel no need to
do anything about it. Right now he is at peace, and Cp Lolitas
there is a part of me
that does not want to know what comes next, that just wants to hold him
like this, quiet and safe, forever.The Cp Lolitas
only thing I understand about his tears is that his pain is deep and
real. It haunts his joy and it haunts his pleasure. It is a pain beyond
words, beyond touch. I want to sooth it, to heal it, but I don't know how.
The need I feel to comfort him, to take this pain away, is so strong that I
don't know how to bear my helplessness.I try to understand what has happened, but it eludes me. One minute everything is perfect. We are standing beside my desk, our
arms around one another, our kisses no longer tentative, careful, but hard
and deliberate. He's pressed against me, his mouth open to me, drinking me
in. I have never been so deeply moved by a kiss, not by David, not by
Josh, not even by the fog-drunk kisses he and I shared just two nights ago.
This is more powerful, more real than any kiss I have ever known, than I
ever knew a kiss could be. The taste of him overwhelms me. Somehow he has
reached inside me and grabbed my heart in his fists. My knees are weak.I wrap him in my arms and slowly ease him back towards my bed.And I am careful, so very careful. I do not forget about his fear. I want
him so desperately, but I control it. All my desire is in my kisses. I'm
careful not to lie on top of him but rather beside him, protecting him from
the demands of my thrusting hips, my hungry cock by pressing them into the
mattress. There will be time for that, I tell myself. Time, when he is
gentled and ready to welcome me. For now, I allow only my upper body to
lie over his. My elbows take my weight on either side of his shoulders. My
hands hold his face as our kisses grow ever deeper and more urgent. He
throws his head back, and my mouth caresses his throat, sucking, licking,
biting gently. The scent of his neck, the taste of his skin intoxicate me.He makes slow, soft, incredibly beautiful sounds at the back of his throat,
and I hear them and tremble. They are sounds of desire and surrender all at
once. I don't just hear these sounds; I feel their vibrations against my
lips. I roll onto my side, taking all my weight on one elbow and wrapping
my other arm around him. I pull him close. I want him closer.I think that everything is perfect. I move my leg over his legs, wanting only to draw him closer to me. My
thigh brushes against the front of his jeans, and I tremble. He cries out
fiercely, throwing his head even further back. I leave my leg just there,
the weight of my thigh against him, heavy on his hardness. He strains
beneath me. And then � then he is perfectly still for several
seconds. Beneath my mouth, his breath catches in his throat.I know what is about to happen. I reach down to release him from his
jeans, take him in my hand.It is already too late.He grabs Cp Lolitas my wrist. "No!" he cries, and I freeze.Then he shudders beneath me. I cover his mouth with mine, pin his thrusting
hips beneath my thigh. I am on the bleeding edge of release myself, but
somehow I manage to keep control. I pull him closer, hold him harder,
until the powerful shudders that possess his body ease beneath me."Everything is perfect," I think. "He wants me. He wants me so badly that
just the touch of my thigh had been enough to make him come, both of us
still fully dressed!"I can hardly believe that I've affected him so powerfully. For a few
seconds I am filled with an almost overwhelming joy. I want to laugh, to
cry, to shout from the rooftops. I kiss his face, his eyes, his beautiful, beautiful mouth, and in this one
perfect moment I believe. I believe in hope. I believe in the real, solid
possibility of love. I dare to think "This is so perfect."And then...I run my tongue along his jaw and taste salt, and I know it isn't sweat.I ease up on my elbow and look down into his face. For a second, those
beautiful Siberian eyes meet mine. Then the fine, angular lines of his face
contorts with pain, and the sob that escapes him is low and hard and harsh,
and wounds me to the core."Luc?"He turns away from me, curling his long narrow length into a foetal ball.
Suddenly his body is wracked with weeping.I feel so helpless in the face of this grief. He cries and cries. The sobs
are so deep, so painful, that they frighten me. I have never seen anyone
weep this hard, with so much pain. He cries as if he's lost his soul.The storm of tears goes on for a long, long time, deep, heart-wrenching
sobs that wrack his body and leave it trembling. I am so helpless. All I
can do is curl myself around him, pull him back against my chest, and hold
on.Finally, the harsh sobbing ends, and his body goes limp. I gather him
closer. He doesn't push me away, but I know he finds no comfort in my
touch. There is no peace in the body heat between us, for him or for
me. Whatever this wound is, I cannot heal it. Wherever it is, I cannot go.Eventually, his breathing quiets, I know it is not from relief, but from
sheer exhaustion. I turn him gently towards me, press the dark curly head
against my shoulder. He doesn't resist � he has no strength left to
resist but he doesn't welcome me. He is limp in my arms, almost helpless.It is only as falls asleep that his arm reaches around my waist. I take
some hope in that.I find myself thinking of David, my beautiful boy who was so easily moved
to tears. I know you cannot compare pain, but I can't help thinking about
how easy it had always been for me to sooth him. Sweet, fragile David, so
easily crushed by an unkind word, a cruel glance... and so easily soothed
by words and by kisses and by the warmth of my body next to his. How many
times had I Cp Lolitas held him in my arms, like I am holding Luc now, kissing away
his tears?Even those last Cp Lolitas tears for the end of our love, his sadness falling on my
face, mixing with my own tears... Part of me had known, even then, that
there was someone who would kiss them away for him. It just wouldn't be
me.But I know that Luc's tears cannot be kissed away so easily.I have no idea what I will say to him when he wakes up. I lie here,
thinking that if I could just hold him like this forever, it might be
enough.***Eventually, I doze off as well, and it's hours later when I feel him stir
in my arms. Through the haze of this uneasy sleep, I am aware of the quick
intake of his breath, of a small gasp in his throat that sounds almost
frightened. He tries Cp Lolitas to pull away from me, and Cp Lolitas I am instantly awake. My
mind is alert, but my body is warm and drowsy, and he feels so right in my
arms. The room is dark except for the glow from my digital clock, and the
air is heavy with the sweet smell of sex."Stay here, babe," I say softly, holding him close, pressing my cheek
against the top of his head.He lies back, stiffly at first. I tangle the fingers of one hand gently
into his soft, black curls. With the other, I rub his shoulder in small,
soothing circles. Eventually, I feel him relax against me. His head rests
over my heart. As he falls back to sleep, his leg comes up over mine.It's after nine when I awake again. I know from the rhythm of his
breathing that he is no longer sleeping. He is still in my arms, still
pressed against me. This time, he doesn't try to move away."You are awake?" he asks softly. I have noticed that when his emotions are
close to the surface, his accent grows stronger. Now the musical French
cadence is heavy in his whispered question."Mmmm." I rub my healing cheekbone against the softness of those black
curls.His arm tightened around my waist. Cp Lolitas
"Scott -- I'm sorry," he says.I don't know what to say. I hug him closer and kiss the top of his head.
"Can you tell me why?" I ask finally.He shakes his head against my shoulder."But I want to understand. I want--." I stop. I don't know how to
explain what I want."I can't," he says. "Please."So I let it go. For now.Eventually we get up. I send him into my shower with a clean pair of my
favourite boxer briefs. I want to be with him in there, but I know better.
As I listen to the Cp Lolitas water, I can only imagine how it falls over his pale
white skin, his long, narrow limbs. I realize I have no picture of his
body. I know only his face, his hands, the line of his neck.When he leaves a while later, his black curls are still shower damp and the
planes of his face bear an incredible sadness. When I kiss him goodbye, I
do it gently, carefully, on his forehead. Then I tilt up his chin and
stare down into those beautiful pale blue eyes."Don't run from me again tomorrow," I say, and I do not let him look away."Luc. Promise me."He catches his bottom lip between his teeth and nods slowly.
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